Yana Blog > #marriage

V-Day & Marriage
2/13

I see the V-Day Couples Workshop, the same one my husband and I went to last year, is getting a fair amount interest. ;-)

As I mentioned before, my blog posts on marriage are my most popular ever.  I'm guessing perhaps there's not enough frank talk about how hard marriage can be with kids.  You have two busy parents with jobs they enjoy and work hard at, then after work they are often devoted to their kids.  There're only so many hours and so much energy left at the end of the day for each other...

I keep a list of marriage counselors handy, and I can tell you I get asked often.  (Feel free to email me any time if you're interested.)  And from what I heard several in Cambridge/nearby are not even taking new clients... they are that busy! 

I'm happy to say that not only do I support marriage counseling, I'm a happy client...  2x over now!

First time it was when my younger kid was 3 or 4.  I felt my husband and I were snapping at each other all the time.  What happened to the affection we used to feel?

I have a hypothesis (based on my own and friends' marriages) that's one of the worst times in a couple's marriage.  Finally they are thru the busiest time in child-rearing, and they look at each other and think, who is this person I'm with?  I read somewhere that it can feel like "running a childcare center with someone you used to date."   

You might wonder, how was I able to convince my husband to go to marriage counseling?  I told him we were doing okay, but could make our marriage better, like taking it from a 7 to a 10. (Both of us are techies so quantifying helped. :)   My husband didn't think we needed it, but to his great credit, he thought it over and decided he wanted me to be happy, so he went along. 

Marriage counseling then was helpful.  Instead of both of us feeling unappreciated, we learned to better appreciate each other, and also talk through likely tricky scenarios before they happen.  After a few months we both feel happier with each other.

I'll talk more about the 2nd time we sought marriage counseling in a future post.  For now... Happy Valentines Day and February Vacation Week!

How do you feel about Marriage with Kids?

If you have ideas on what helps, do share.  Or if thoughts on why it's hard, do share.  


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