Yana Blog > #parenting, #emotions

Losing a Fave

One time I was talking with some dads about their childhood, when somehow they got on the topic of when they were kids waiting impatiently for their moms to shop.

    "The worst was clothes shopping!"   "O man." 

You can hear the dread in the dads' voices, still such strong feelings after decades!

Well, I was delighted to discover that my daughter enjoys shopping with me: grocery shopping, clothes shopping, a random stop at Target, you name it. I think for her it's the sheer fun of discovery.  My son would say "No way" to most shopping.  And I now know to avoid taking him if I can, to spare him the trauma those dads experienced.

I was shopping with my girl when we found a hat we both loved, so we each got one and planned to wear together.

    "Oh I can't wait to show my friends my new hat", my daughter said happily.

In the next store, I found a few work dresses to try on. 

    "Oh are we trying on already?  Let me get a few things I can try too." My daughter said eagerly.

In her hurry, she accidentally dropped her new hat, as we discovered later on in the fitting room.  My daughter frantically searched all over the store.  We asked multiple store workers, checked the lost & found, it was nowhere to be found.  My daughter prides herself on remembering and keeping track of things, unlike her more forgetful brother. It's rare for her to lose something, especially so soon after getting it.

    "Could you call Hat?" my daughter said sadly on the way back from the store.

    "Ring, ring. Is this Hat?" I pretended.

    "Tell it to come home." My daughter asked.  Aww...

    "How about you can use mine; we can just share."  I said.  My daughter held on tightly to the other hat.

We then had a nice family dinner.  It seemed like she forgot about it.  But at bed time, my daughter just said "Hat", and started sobbing uncontrollably.  

"Aww little sis.  Maybe mom can buy you another hat."  My son tried to help. My old self would say, yeah it's only $3-4. My new self noticed my daughter started crying louder.

"Sweetie, it is hard to lose something we really like." I tried naming her feeling, "It's called grieving."  I handed her the other hat.  "You can hold on to this if you like."

 "This is Hat #2.  I miss my Hat."  She said while sobbing, and holding on tightly to the hat. "I will never forget it."

"The more you like something, the sadder it feels when you lose it.  You must like Hat a lot.  And you want to be responsible and take good care of your stuff.  I know."

"Um-hmm."  Calming down a bit, my daughter said, "We don't need to buy another hat, we could just share the hat."

"I know you have a big heart and care a lot."  I said.  

My daughter nodded solemnly, and said good night.

Big adventure for her big heart!

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